Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

If the world was flat, would it be possible to see Mount Everest if it was on the other side of the Earth on a clear sunny day?

I see through liars

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

My wife has a bunch of really attractive friends, and she expects me to never say anything to her about how beautiful they are. Does this seem fair? I love my wife, and just commenting shouldn’t hurt anything, right?

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

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I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I understand how hurricane paths work

What are the logical reasons against requiring an ID to vote in the USA? If the government offered to provide IDs for this purpose I fail to see why people are against it.

I can count

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

What the Spurs will do with the second pick - Pounding The Rock

I have a reading level above third grade

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

If you were a writer for HBO, how would you rewrite the final season of Game of Thrones?

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

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I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

Why can't hot girls date ugly guys? I am ugly but I want an attractive girlfriend

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

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I can read

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I have complete contempt for fakery

What measures do celebrities take to protect their images from being used for commercial purposes without permission? How much does this typically cost them?

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I don’t buy bullshit

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

Does CloudFlare protect blackhat sites from DDOS attacks?

I actually pay taxes

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

Why are the bands Smashmouth and Nickelback often used as punchlines?

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

What happens to adults with Down syndrome when their parents can't look after them any more?

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

What is your secret to glowing skin?

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I have complete contempt for traitorism

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I don’t cotton to rapists